UPDATES

my book, upcoming podcast appearance, yoga & cacao ceremonies

Beloved Readers,

I haven’t posted in a while here. It is not because I don’t love each and every one of you. You have all given me a lot and I appreciate the enjoyment and pleasure we’ve shared through this Substack. The gonorrhea is something I could have done without. Yay penicillin!

I have been working tirelessly on finishing the edits from my book. Okay, maybe it has not been exactly “tireless,” as many times I only stop because I’m friggin’ exhausted and can’t keep my eyes open anymore! I must have edited at least 8-hours yesterday. I have attached an intravenous feeding tube to my arm and wear a Depends to save time with eating and shitting.

Okay, you didn’t need to know the brand of adult diaper I use, but times have been tough and they are currently my only sponsor and I have to mention them every post in order to keep the relationship alive. Right now they are only paying me in diapers but I’ve managed to find a buyer and sell a few boxes each month for a little extra cash. My client list is confidential so I won’t mention that Joe Biden is the buyer.

ANNOUNCEMENT #1

I had hoped to get my book out by August. My editor said, “September is a good time to release a book,” which I interpreted as his way to say, “No fucking way you’ll have it ready by then!” I had done a few rounds of editing myself before I hired him. He is great and appreciates my writing and what I have to offer. Here is what he wrote me in his editing notes:

Are you a fucking moron?? Do you not understand the difference between "there” and “they’re,” “it’s” and “its”? And, seriously dude, don’t you think 400 dick jokes is a bit of, I don’t know, overkill?”

Oh wait, they’re are a lot of comments he made but its this one that I wanted to share with you:

Without a doubt, what you’ve done is consistently funny and profound. It challenges readers to look within in new ways. It’s irreverent, witty, and thought-provoking in its use of stories, satire, and personal philosophy to challenge social norms and offer unconventional insights, with eye-opening Truth-telling, edgy language, and provocative analogies. It challenges readers to look within in new ways.

After reading this, I am pretty sure he will be giving me a reach-around! Besides the future handjob, I have literally been the only one to see this crazy genius for over a year and it has been nice to share it with someone else, as the old adage applies, “If a book is written and no one reads it, does it make a laugh?” I look forward to sharing it with all of you as well! A funny editing moment for me was when he wrote, “I think ‘cumstain’ is two words.” I knew it was two words. I just wanted to see him edit that! :).

NOTE: I apologize in advance for there being as many mentions of Depends undergarments as there are dick jokes (to be clear, I’m not apologizing for the dick jokes). It comes across like when you watch a video online and can’t get through the fucking thing without a dozen commercials! Hopefully after the book releases and becomes a major success, I can cut out product placement and focus all my attention on dick jokes.

ANNOUNCEMENT #2

I will be on Bryan Lahr’s podcast live tomorrow, Monday, June 23 at 9:00 p.m. We will be discussing my book including excerpts, doing some breathing exercises and, DEPENDS on time, I might share a meditation as well. The link is:

Rebel Yogi Satya on The Angel Channel with Bryan Lahr Podcast on YouTube Live

ANNOUNCEMENT #3

In May, I facilitated a Yoga & Cacao Ceremony with Lina in Jersey City, NJ. I hadn’t seen that many hearts open since my short stint as a heart surgeon. (Apparently, you leave one pair of surgical scissors in someone’s chest and everyone gets their panties in a bunch!) We are planning to hold another one at the end of July and a retreat in upstate New York in August that will include yoga, cacao, a sound bath, perhaps a hike, and lots of dogs! This quick mock-up left off of the announcement John, the amazing sound bath-er. Seriously. Not that he’s seriously amazing but we seriously left him off this image. Joking, we left him off this image AND he is truly amazing with the sound journeys he takes you on!

Send a message or write in the comments if you are interested in these offerings or know someone who could benefit from them.

With that, I bid you adieu—as I’m in an Elizabethan phase right now and like to talk like I’m in a Shakespeare play. This is why I named my dog Spot, not because I lack creativity but so I can say, “Out, out damn spot!” (write in the comments if you know the reference—without looking it up, lame!)

With Love & Gonorrhea,

Satya